Conflict = War

(And other myths we've told ourselves)

Perhaps like you, I learned about conflict by watching the grown-ups around me and the kids at school. What I saw was problems avoided, tension building, and then—boom—spectacular blow-ups that felt terrifying and inevitable.

So I learned early (and often) that conflict = war. And I wanted no part of it. I developed and honed my avoidance skills, and only in extreme situations would I assert a position that went against the grain. For years I was convinced this was just who I was—I avoid conflict because I’m SUCH a nice person ;)!

But that story cost me. My fear of conflict haunted early relationships and landed me in unhealthy dynamics—both in my professional and personal life.

Thankfully, with the help of a great therapist, I began to see that what I thought was “hardwired personality” was actually just a false belief. And when I began replacing it with a new one, everything shifted.

I replaced the belief “Conflict is war” with this one: