The Antidote to DARVO: How to Stay CLEAR When Conflict Hits

Last week we talked about DARVO—the toxic jiu-jitsu move that flips honest confrontation into attack. This week we learn a better way.

Quick recap, friends.

In last week’s post, I (re)introduced you to “D.A.R.V.O.”

It’s a toxic conflict strategy that goes like this:

* Deny* the accusation

* Attack* the person

* Reverse Victim and Offender*

It’s sneaky and it’s everywhere.

From social media threads to breakups to high-stakes boardrooms to White House press briefings—DARVO is the conversational grenade that destroys trust and leaves everyone scorched.

The worst part? It *feels* powerful in the moment. But it’s power built on fear, shame, and ego.

So this week, I want to offer you a different strategy … One that builds trust instead of blowing it up.

I call it the C.L.E.A.R. Framework and it’s a BETTER way to respond when you’re called out.

When someone says, “Hey, you hurt me,” or “That didn’t feel good …” or asks you a sticky question … your nervous system goes on high alert.

But you don’t have to follow DARVO’s lead. You can choose to respond with clarity, presence, and integrity.

Here’s how it works with C.L.E.A.R.: